January 22 marks the anniversary of my mother’s death. Sucks. It’s
been four years now. But it’s not a day to mourn – at this point, being sad would
no longer be because I mourn her, but because I’d be feeling sorry for myself.
Not going to happen. If I did that, my mother – had she still been kicking
around – would tell me to stop being such a sissy.
 |
| Don't mess with me, Buster Boy. |
At any rate, I want to remember her on this day by looking back
at her take on human rights. She was a secretary, a receptionist, a
stay-at-home mom, and eventually an old woman who occasionally went bowling
and gambling with other old women. Her perception of human rights was
essentially created the same way it is for most people: learned through
experience, not through any formal education or training on international human
rights conventions. So here’s what she knew, written up as "everyday rights" that guided her life, and if you know nothing about human rights, think
again, because you probably do. For each "right" below, I’ve put in references to the
Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR) and other human rights conventions.
1. Speak up when
you’re pissed off (Sure it’s a right. Think Art. 19 of the UDHR: “Everyone
has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom
to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart
information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers.”)
In retrospect, I realize she did this quite frequently. If
ever she felt she was not being treated fairly (by a mechanic, a salesman,
anybody), she’d go on a rant in French and accuse the person of discriminating
against her because she had an English name. Those on the receiving end of her
vitriolic attacks always ended up on the losing side of an argument and
acquiescing to anything she said. Even at the ripe age of 65, she went down to
the local mall and protested with a bunch of other demonstrators and wound up speaking
on the radio. I can’t remember why she demonstrated – must have been to protect
the English language of the rights of seniors – but I do remember her fiery attitude
afterwards. She was pumped at getting
mad for a cause. Her demeanour unquestionably screamed, Don’t mess with me, Buster Boy.
2. Always look after
the best interests of the child (Think Art. 18 par. 1 of
the
Convention on the Rights of the Child: “Parents or, as the case may be, legal guardians, have the primary responsibility for the upbringing and development of the child. The best interests of the child will be their basic concern.”)
This one’s a no-brainer. She was a pit bull when it came to
defending my rights and my brother’s rights. A good education, good health, enough
food, water, you name it, there was nothing we went without. There were
limitations, however. She made me ingest an unacceptable
quantity of lima beans in my youth. Every single bite was disgusting. There
had to have been a more palatable alternative.
3. A woman can do
anything a man can do (and should never be discriminated against because she
is a woman. Think Art. 1 of the
Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women that defines discrimination: “…'discrimination against women' shall mean
any distinction, exclusion or restriction made on the basis of sex which has
the effect or purpose of impairing or nullifying the recognition, enjoyment or
exercise by women, irrespective of their marital status, on a basis of equality
of men and women, of human rights and fundamental freedoms in the political,
economic, social, cultural, civil or any other field.”)
She was a single mother with two boys. No further explanation required.
4. Don't discriminate. But if you do, try your damnedest to change. (Art. 2 of the UDHR on non-discrimination: “Everyone is entitled to all the rights
and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind,
such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion,
national or social origin, property, birth or other status.”)
I like to believe that we – the collective we of planet
Earth – are becoming gradually more tolerant and accepting of our differences.
I’m more tolerant and accepting than my mother was, and hopefully my kids will
be more accepting than me. Here’s an example of the way she thought: when the
Rwandan genocide began in April 1994, I phoned her from my home in Malawi to
reassure her I was fine. Her response: “Are you getting along well with the
natives?” I cringed at the outdated reference, but I know she meant well. It’s
not to completely fault her – she was influenced by her generation while also
shaping her own values and attitudes. When it came to accepting others, well…it was best
not to talk about gays and lesbians; no taxi driver who was a “foreigner” could
possibly know the streets of Montreal as well as a real Montrealer; all [insert
ethnic minority] were cheap; every [other ethnic minority] was smelly; [those
others] were rude; and as for me having a Chinese girlfriend – yikes that was a
conversation-killer. The years passed and she did mellow out a lot. Perhaps mellow isn’t quite the right
word. As she learned more about different cultures, either through TV or the
changing ethnic landscape of her neighbourhood, ignorance manifested as subtle racism
evolved into uncertainty, understanding, tolerance, and eventually acceptance.
Most of the time.
5. Give (making
sure that you do your part so that strangers live in dignity, Art. 1 of the UDHR).
I know, giving isn’t a human right. In the final years of
her life, my mother decided to give money to charitable organizations that did
humanitarian relief work. It was the first time she’d done so. A small gesture
to be sure, but it symbolized a recognition that, despite living a life with a fair amount of significant hardships, she found room to give to others less fortunate. The
gesture was Article 1 of the UDHR, plain and simple: “All human beings are born
free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and
conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood [...and
sisterhood].”
So far, these everyday rights have worked just fine for me.
